MoL: Day 5 – My First Success
Month of Love is a series where I faithfully follow the advice of one reputed relationship expert. Surely one of them will change everything.
This Month’s adviser is Steve Santagati.
Everyone has this type of guy friend. We’ll call mine Simba because his real name is similar to a feline, and … because his father has also passed away. Simba has been through a lot of shit in his life, which is probably what sharpened his acute rationality. Rationality is valued in our society, but it works against him; happiness depends a lot on an almost religious leap of faith that things will work out, which has little rational basis. However, Simba does offer an incredibly refreshing outlook on everything in my love life. Our friendship is basically based on monthly breakfasts during which we discuss every little detail of our love lives. My role is to tell him everything will be okay, and his role is to dissect every text, call, wink some guy has given me. Another boy “named” Jade sometimes joins us. Jade plays a mixture of both our roles.
In Simba’s words, “You what what guys, I’m the only one who gets to complain about anything, my life is in shambles, you two are just a bunch of cry babies.”
Probably. But either way, I crave these meetings with Simba because usually my love life has got my mind all tangled up and busy, and I need him to tell me whats what.
I’ve labelled this post my first success because I had breakfast with Simba this morning and I did not feel the need to delve into my love problems at all. There is this thing kinda-friends-with-benefits-kinda-not mess I’ve been having with this guy back in my college town that I could have dished about … Normally, that’s the type of confidence-faltering, mind-playing, confusing case I would normally LOVE to hear Simba analyze. However, suddenly, it does not seem too important. I did not really care what Simba had to say on the matter. That is because what is happening with this boy-of-the-moment suddenly seemed so unimportant. He could be in love with me (would be smart of him really), he could be using me for an ego boost, he could be confused, but suddenly it wasn’t my problem any more. Not every reader out there will understand why this moment is so important to me, but for the few that do, I want you to know that you can go from the embarrassingly love-obsessed girl that you are to someone who does need to discuss her love life! What?! I know! I’m serious. This aint no fan-fiction blog.
This is the first real shift in attitude and mindset that I have concrete proof of since I started this experiment. In my previous post I expressed concern about the possibility of changing the way I am used to thinking about love. This moment, slight as it is, gives me hope that despite how deep-rooted my problems are, they are not so deep that they cannot be dug up and fixed. This probably has a lot to do with Steve forcing me to look better, which had tidal wave effects elsewhere that I am not even conscious of. I have done only minor adjustments to my image, but have seen a exponential increase in general response. I do not think it is the compliments alone that have helped my growing emotional independence, but the knowledge that its due to my own work and dedication.
So now the problem is, what will Simba and I have to talk about now?