Asking for Advice: Skype Scandal CONCLUSION
Spoiler alert, it is a happy ending.
When the last post left off, my man of the moment, nicknamed Wolf, did not make it to our arranged Skype session and I was blue so I turned to the interwebz for advice. For those that have not read my previous post, Wolf and I are in those early stages of courtship where we are only getting to know each other in a romantic fashion, and it is by no means clear what either of us wants out of this. So, hell basically.
First, let me highlight the pieces of advice that stuck in my mind the most for the remainder of this situations:
- viralsalome16 – “I just think women have to make sure to take care of themselves (as if you were protecting your own little sister).”
- interestingboredom – “If he was obsessing over you as much as you are over him he would have been on there.”
- lolabees – “You’ll know what to do when you need to do it– that’s my theory.”
- BroadBlogs – “If feeling respected is high on your list AND this makes you feel dissed, drop him.”
- Pepper Bells – “If he can’t be bothered to make time for you this time, don’t think it will be any easier next time.”
- emklio – “Communication is key to any relationship! Tell him it hurt your feelings that he missed the Skype date.”
- anonoymousandarmed – “Everyone express care differently, some rarely show it but it doesn’t mean they don’t care.”
- Lee – “Keep your options open in the meantime and don’t take anything he does or doesn’t do personally. You’re too smart for that.”
- dollm – “Dating shouldn’t make you more insecure than secure.”
It is a great assortment of different possible approaches to my situation. Together, all the bits of advice I received changed how I viewed the situation with Wolf. I saw his absence on Skype as my failure to be an interesting enough person. The first problem with this is that its already too analytical of me to read so much into a Skype game of tag. The second problem it is unhealthy for me to think that the guy is the prize to be won in this scenario when I am as much of a prize myself. Slightly adjusting this mindset had a ripple effect on my confidence over the situation. As the last pieces of advice were rolling in, I was already so over this whole Skype scandal.
Then as I was beginning to forget about him, he sends me a message the next day. Wolf: “youre too quick for me. free tonight?”
Here is what I told lolabees: “I thought about what being strong would mean in this case, as in would a strong woman ignore him or give him a second chance, etc. Let me know what you think about this Lolabees, but I decided that a strong woman would not not immediately cast a guy out for making one “mishap” because in a way that’s a defense mechanism as well. However, a strong woman would also not forget the mishap. So I asked him what time he wants to Skype. If I happen to have nothing planned that hour I will talk to him for 20 min or so. If I am busy, then I will just tell him I can’t and that maybe I’ll talk to him some other time. That way he realizes he snoozes he loses! lol”
We made a new time that night. 9pm. Very specific. He missed it.
But, I meant it above when I said my mindset changed, because I was totally cool with it. For once, instead of worrying about why I am not good enough to be on, HE was the one that got less attractive in my eyes because of this poor show of effort. I didnt even want to Skype him at this point. This is strength!
An hour after we were supposed to Skype this convo happened:
STRONG Girl, who happens to be me :No I left my house to go to the doctor for a jab. Can you make it up to me but telling me right now that it wont hurt? Im scared lol
Wolf: it wont hurt… whats the jab for?
STRONG Girl, who happens to be me: it prevents against HPV and other STDS, which is grrrreat, I dont want to ever get either of those things. didnt hurt THAT much, but I cried anyway, just in case …
I was nice, whatever, no attitude, not making a big deal our of anything. It could have been two honest mistakes in a row, or maybe He Is Just Not That Into Me, either way the weight of our love story was no longer all on my shoulders. I did my bit, so mentally I told myself that I will not be initiating any contact after this.
THEN, two days later, out of nowhere:
Wolf: so the olympics is over and i now have some time on my hands. shall we try to skype again?
I though, fine, but I wont go out of my way to make this happen. It will be on my terms. I replied two days later (hehehe):
STRONG Girl, who happens to be me: sure. today at 2 uk time? i got an hour or so. or sometime thursday
Wolf: i’ll be there
And he was! And it was great and fun. Some moments I was cool, some moments I was dorky. Whatever, I had fun. There is more I can write about in terms of the content of the convo, but I do not even care anymore. That is how goddamn COOL I am now, all thanks to you guys.
After he hung up I messaged him this address he wanted and said:
STRONG Girl, who happens to be me: “Hey boo, here’s the address for that paper thing you need:
315 W 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
gettt it dooone, dont fuck up. skype again sooooon. xx”
Wolf: “thanks for that. looking forward to it! x”
Who knows what happens next. I’m not worried. I’ve got you guys.